I don't mean to overstep any boundaries here, but...

[Erik Jurado]

I would be so very appreciative if I could get an honest opinion and overall review of a song that already has comments on it. I uploaded a revised version.

My song "WHAT HAPPENED, SON?" received comments that I was very happy about (especially since I was wary of the subject matter) – because most were positive comments about the music – but stated the words were not too clear. Now, I realize that the words were not as harsh as I made them out to be (they were exaggerated in my head due to the background guitar,) and made an adjustment to the volume on the vocals. I also included the lyrics.

I have heard many comments about the song, but most pertain to the music.
I haven't really had any of the main articles I put into the song acknowledged. So, I would be grateful for feedback about a few items that will maybe help me not make the same mistakes for an future "big project" type songs.


• Do the guitars overtake the lyrics?
• Does the instrumental mid section make the song too long and listener loses track of story?
• Is there too much going on and too many changes in the song?
• what could I have done to connect better with the listener?


Again, I would appreciate it so much coming from a member or members from this forum. I can truly state that I put my heart and soul into this song... and not just the music portion. The placement, delivery and emotion of the words was a task that I'd never dealt with. I don't mind if I get critical comments about the song – as long as there is understanding of what I was trying to accomplish.



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Erik

One truism about life is we will all face and have to deal with grief at some point. Another truism is that we shy away from others own grief. I suspect its a built in self preservation process as grief is all around us we couldnt survive if we let it all in - Whats my point? My point is that you will get feedback but it will naturally be filtered due to the emotional attachment people know you have to the piece. I have listened and for me the guitar told all the story that needed to be told wheras the words were lost in the mix and if I`m desperatley honest I'm probably glad I didnt have to hear them for I know they may have been hard to listen too.

Dont be disheartened Erik if the members are slow to comment on this one they dont mean it as a negative I suspect like me they just find it hard to be objective knowing how much intense meaning and ownership is in the track for the artist.

Z

[Erik Jurado]

That makes so much sense. That was probably why I was in a funk for a couple of days while I was laying the vocal track. I am that person you describe – knowing there is so many heartbreaking stories out there that you have to be selective. I will take your advice about this and not expect anything... I wouldn't want to be placed in a horrible situation while listening to a song.

I would like to add one note that I think should be stated regarding what I got out of going through the ordeal...

I felt that I went on the heartbreaking last day with the kid – and that understanding of what he went through gave us a bond in the song... so after his "goodbye" at "THE END" – the song still isn't physically over, same with the bond – and the acoustic comes back with the narrator to re-assure the kid that he is still a part of his loved ones lives within their hearts and minds...he's only physically gone... and then he gets his reply goodbye. (I maybe reaching with my imagination of what I would have liked to communicate.)

That was what I was sort of hoping someone would notice... the way I tried to make the best out of a horrible situation that I could... for the sake of my friend April. And that's what makes me feel good about the song.

But, I TOTALLY and FULLY understand your post and I now don't expect anyone to think, "hmmm, I think I'll go on a death trip."

Thanks for the insight!

Erik

[LIQUID]

Erik

We all need the wisdom of others from time to time

[Rosemarie]

Hi Erik.

I stopped by and wrote a book in your comments section. I consider myself an expert in this subject. I began creating original music with the specific intent to leave the listener better off for listening. Depending on the subject matter of the song, it can be difficult - and is most essential on this piece of yours.

I highly commend you for recognizing the power of music and for your concern about your listeners. I would be glad to help you if you private message me.


Welcome to the family.

[Rosemarie]

my bad - I went back & saw you had another track with the same song.

I apologize for jumping to conclusions.

[Rosemarie]

'tude vox stands mistaken ...

[Erik Jurado]

I spend lots of time on my posts also – even the short posts, if you can believe that – and I would have probably done the same thing. ALSO, I was forgiven earlier in the month in this same forum... thanks Kelly!

BTW, I heard the song you recommended... pretty awesome!

Talk to you later!

Erik

[Rosemarie]

lol - you see what I mean about us being a family now.

[ditheramb]

Been by and left some word...hope they help