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Following the collapse of Psychedelic Freestyle Global Speed Beat Movement during the mid 1970’s, the greatest scientific minds were gathered to a secret laboratory – located somewhere in the magnetic sub-levels of the southwest Pacific.
They were assigned with the task of creating genetically altered beings, bred for a single purpose: To re-invent the culture, fashion, music and politics which surrounded the Psychedelic Freestyle Global Speed Beat Movement and to secure its’ evolution into the approaching millennium.
Though the experiment was a success, it was not without developmental flaws. These flaws were evident within the many subjects who had fallen prey to the scientists’ failings. The result was a ghastly school of mutated underlings, hideous and twisted beings – doomed to live out their existences within the sub- Pacific laboratories. However, despite their terrible odour and warped features, these Defective Incommiscible Variforms (affectionately named ‘DIVs’) displayed various genetic strengths.
The location staff quickly set about putting these genetic mis-haps to use, by teaching them the foundations of production technology, tye-dye chemistry and analogue synthesis, so that one day they could assist their genetically superior counterparts in creating the great Psychedelic Freestyle Global Speed Beat works of the future (from behind the scenes).
In the meantime, the successful subjects were thoroughly schooled in the Psychedelic Freestyle Arts. They were also taught how to adjust to the pressures that awaited them in the outside world. They were dressed, groomed and coiffured by the world’s greatest stylists. They were given instruction on interview technique, stage presence and mystique. Years later, the five most promising subjects were formed into the most compelling and important band that the world had ever known. With the help of the DIVs, they crafted and recorded the most significant body of work ever conceived.
Armed with master copies of their debut album, two Flying V’s, a tour manager and an impressive wardrobe, the Band was briefed on its’ mission and placed aboard a submarine heading towards Los Angeles, where their global assault would begin.
The Band looked forward to leaving the laboratories behind, the memory of the Divs, twisted screams echoing in their brains as they slowly headed for the surface of the ocean. However, there was one Div that the Band had never met before, and little did they know that they were soon to become acquainted. For there was one Div whose gross genetic discrepancies meant that he was not allowed to interact with the Band at any time, for fear that his ghastly ideas and crazed philosophies may have a negative impact on the creativity of his genetic superiors. This Div - called ‘Mickey’ - was forced to remix the works of the Band, in a lower level studio. Hidden away from view, he grew increasingly resentful towards the scientists who had created him. Years of continued isolation took their toll, and Mickey’s sick and sadistic fantasies manifested themselves within every facet of his work. However when news of the Band’s departure filtered down to his studio it set about a shift in Mickey’s focus: Mickey the Div began to formulate his diabolically cunning plan to escape the Sub Pacific Test Centre……….
Patiently waiting for the Band’s departure date gave Mickey the opportunity to map out the intricacies of his escape and when the time came, The Div hid himself within the Band’s wardrobe and was subsequently placed onboard the Submarine.
As a stowaway, Mickey the Div made himself at home within the large wardrobe and waited for his moment………
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As the submarine began to surface, the Band (having never seen the world above the Pacific ocean) grew hysterical and overjoyed at the sights that awaited them above sea level. However their joy was short-lived, and their excitement was soon replaced by fear, their fear became replaced by terror, and their terror was replaced by screams and the screams were replaced by death. Mickey the Div had used this magical moment against the Band and with a Flying V in each hand, Mickey leapt from the wardrobe and began to pummel and crush all onboard.
By the time submarine and it’s murdered passengers were discovered, there was no sign of Mickey or the Master recordings the Band had made. There were also two jackets missing from the wardrobe. It didn’t take long for the researchers to piece together what fate had dealt the desperate souls onboard.
In light of these events it was decided that the project be closed and that all efforts be focused on finding the missing master tapes and capturing Mickey. The remaining Divs, were put to work on the surface as sound engineers while the successful test subjects formed bands and enjoyed moderate chart success. However, nothing has ever come close to equalling the compositional majesty and lyrical genius captured on those stolen master tapes.
The investigative team hired to locate Mickey receives numerous reports daily detailing a man wearing two jackets and wielding two flying V’s - usually seen rummaging through recycle-bins looking for loops and MIDI files. However these leads have failed to turn up any further information regarding the whereabouts of Mickey the Div. May God have mercy on his soul.
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Acoustic
