Posted: 28 April 2006 at 6:06pm | IP Logged

Following the success of our recent HOT CAKES promotion, Corpus Misty Communications are proud to announce our latest venture.

Old Rope

Some old rope similar to the one offered within this promotion (note actual sizes of 'old rope' may vary from those shown in the picture)

We have a wide and varied selection of OLD ROPE for sale, and at only £12.62 per metre, it makes money sense to think big, and buy in bulk. What's more, brand new customers will be given the opportunity to invest in the future of our fledgeling company, and purchase shares at a dramatically reduced prices.*

If you've been thinking about buying OLD ROPE but have, until now, been unable to afford the downpayments; now is the time to invest in this bright ropey future, for yourself and your loved ones. With a range of attractive and easy payment offers, it makes sense to say YES to OLD ROPE.

We accept all major credit cards, debit cards, Green Shield Stamps, Co-op cheques, three goats, an ox and your firstborn son, so don't delay! call out 24 hour helpline for fast, efficient delivery to your home...or why not buy for your friends? and watch their faces light up in joy and gratitude?

*Share prices may (infact most certainly will) go down as well as up, if you insist in participating in this futile, and foolhardy venture, please be aware that DOWN is not really such a bad thing when you consider the fundamental overratedness of all things 'UP'. For those who still remain convinced that UP is the way forward, please browse our catalogue for a convenient and freshly prepared range of PROPERTY LADDERS, made from finest hardwood and laminates.

Posted: 28 April 2006 at 6:23pm | IP Logged

Wow!  I'll take two.  How long are they?

Posted: 28 April 2006 at 6:41pm | IP Logged

You won't regret this sir. What's more, we offer a full money back guarantee if you are not absolutely delighted with our OLD ROPE products.

Each length of OLD ROPE can been carefully measured to conform to (but not exceed) E.U statutes on Class 2 (ex-Nautical) Haulage and Reeling devices and thus every length is carefully cut to exactly one metre in length for total feel-good freshness and convenience.

Posted: 28 April 2006 at 7:10pm | IP Logged

Sadly no. Hemp is not a product that we are currently able to offer to the discerning buyer.

OLD ROPE on the other hand could be very much the next 'big thing', and I would urge you to make a purchase before our supplies dwindle.

Posted: 28 April 2006 at 8:28pm | IP Logged

Business is brisk this evening.

You made a wise decision Sir. Please allow 28 days for delivery, plus an additional £3.62 (exc VAT) per metre for postage, packaging and delivery. Please be aware that the packaging consists (amongst other things) of bindings consisting of OLD ROPE. That's even more OLD ROPE for your money!

An additional surcharge of one fatted calf is also required for holding and labour.

Posted: 05 May 2006 at 6:26pm | IP Logged

Business has not been good as of late

Looks like I'm going to be left with a surplus of this stuff.

....Ok, you lot drive a hard bargain, and I'm likely to force my own dear children to starve, and go to work down the pit without shoes...but I'm prepared to reduce one metre of Old Rope to just

£10.95 per metre

Can't say fairer than that.

What's more, I'll throw in a Hot Cake for every bulk purchase. So get your orders in right now.

Posted: 05 May 2006 at 7:26pm | IP Logged

I can take some off your hands Ffabbia, but Im going to need it on consignment stock. I only need two for now as I have always wanted to be in aposition where i needed to "tie up a couple of loose ends", and I think your product may be able to help to achieve this dream.

I also have a couple of kidnappers lined up to purchase some old rope, but obviously they need to know if it is of kidnapp quality, as their last two attempts at kidnapping people failed because the rope was more suited to temporararly tying people to chairs, rather than a long kidnapp/ hostage situation.

Can you let me know cos' if they buy it and the subsequent kidnapees escape, the boys are not going to be happy, and they will probably pay you a visit and liberate a couple of fingers from you. However, on the positive side, if the rope is good, I think you could be on a bit of an earner with this.

Steve