Review of Virus’ album INFECTIOUS DEVIANT by Youth

Need A Shot Of Penicillin?

The Virus has spread in a relentless march to infect all who come into aural contact. As governments issue health warnings the World Health Organisation has seemed to ignore the latest viral threat but certain Un delegates have voiced serious concerns and the European Parliament has the topic on their agenda. The big question that remains is should you head down to your doctor to get the latest shot of penicillin in an attempt to cut off the DnB bug?

This particular strain has been dubbed an ‘Infectious Deviant’ and comes at you in the form of eleven tracks…or 1 hour and 4 minutes of continuous attack. Be careful as you put the CD into your player for if you are susceptible to DnB then be sure there is no shot from your doctor that will provide protection as it is genetically dictated in your DNA that you will become infected! Moreover, this particular strain of the DnB virus is a deviant form of the new HIV – more commonly called ‘Highly Intelligent Volume’…or as some jokers have started to call it ‘Ache-IV’ due to its propensity to cause constant movement of the whole body leaving you exhausted but smiling.

History
Historically the DnB bug has been about for a long time. Many had rumoured that it had been wiped out by dance scientists in their endeavours to homogenise the public scene, but it seems to have persisted in the background and this latest version hits out with a level of vengeance that can only be admired. It is the first Infectious Deviant and has caught the dance scientists by surprise and several of them have clearly succumbed to the infection themselves. It paints itself into your mind, and the artist simply known as Virus has well and truly entered the public consciousness. How will you know if you have the bug and what happens to those that are infected?

Symptoms and Diagnosis
You are first hit by ‘Spit and Sawdust’ which lasts for almost 8 minutes. During this time you are sent into a trance-like state that becomes frenzied and sets off muscle spasms around 1 minute and 20 seconds. As you start to lose control of your body a deep bass of an urge overtakes your body but is calmed down in a fake but soothing period before the urges are renewed and you are aware that the infection has taken hold. You might also get the feeling of elation for no apparent reason…do not worry this is fairly typical of the Virus.

You might sense some worry as you enter ‘The Dark Path’ stage but this relatively short period should not be too concerning as it does not have any big distinction from the first stage of the infection. Granted that your body will be hurting and your face aching from the spasmodic stupid grin that appears but you should not experience too many problems. Sufferers have been heard cheering and it is as yet unclear what part of the Path stage causes this involuntary vocalisation.

The ‘Hydro’ stage is extremely worrying. The urge for water is almost unbelievable and experienced in a similar fashion to sufferers of the Rabies condition. The body is almost in meltdown during this phase and the elation becomes unbearably marked. It is important that you have a bottle of sparkling mineral water as this will counteract some of the symptoms of stage 3 and will help you to survive the further onslaught that is definitely coming. There is clearly no cure for anybody contaminated by stage 3 of the infection but at this point in time it is unclear whether the full syndrome has any significant affects on sufferers living a full and normal life.

Stages 4, 5 and 6 all offer some slight relief from the previous stages. Of course you are still prone to involuntary muscle spasms…but as you get through the ‘Twilight’ and enter the self-obsessive ‘Double Geezer’ stage you are entered into an emotionally charged ‘New Love’ for the contaminant. The cheers of joy are doubled in strength during these phases and by the end of stage 6 you will want the euphoria of the condition to persist for as long as possible. It is wise for those not infected to stay clear of sufferers during these three stages. Hospitals put staff on full risk alert during these stages but several nurses plus a few orderlies have fallen foul of the condition and its spread.

In stage 7 your eyesight is overtaken by an ‘Electric Sunrise’. This stage is almost surreal and is actually a totally welcomed relief from the previous stages. At least it lulls you into a false sense of security before you realise you are sitting in an alien chill-out room and viewing the world through mescaline eyes and vivid colours. This stage is aptly named and can cause disorientation in some sufferers if they are not ready for the vibrant imagery that accompanies it

The sufferer now lapses into an extremely pulsating revisit of ‘The Dark Path’ stage. This Section 9 re-depiction is infectious to the maximum and should not be treated lightly by anyone viewing a sufferer. The sufferer will potentially be in a car and bodily movement will be akin to a Mexican pimp-mobile. Do NOT disturb the sufferer as it is extremely dangerous and they are likely to smother you with affection only designed to propagate the Infectious Deviant.

The next stage is the most frightening and is aptly named the ‘Urban Lockdown’ period. This is the DnB bug at its most infectious. Sufferers are likely to start ripping at their own clothes as the sweat becomes unbearably sticky and they feel the urge to dance naked through the urban landscape. If you see a sufferer in this stage RUN otherwise you will fall prey to the condition in an accelerated fashion.

If sufferers get through the last stage they find themselves in the ‘Sunday Morning’ period. This is uncharacteristically calm. The patient is totally relaxed and unable to move with any vigour. Some scientists believe that the infection has completely overtaken the individual’s perceptions and the respite is due to the DnB bug becoming one with the sufferer. Certainly the serene face of patients observed during this phase would bear out such a hypothesis. Others surmise that the exhaustion from previous stages has simply knocked sufferers into a condition of complete peaceful placidity.

The final stage is the longest and harshest, nicknamed the ‘Hitchhiker’ stage because it uses the host to transmit to all surrounding entities by entering their ears and quickly infecting. Strangely all sufferers have developed six-pack stomach muscles by this point due to their bodily exertions and have a renewed vibrancy in their eyes due to the effects of the Infectious Deviant. Some might consider it a worthy alternative to the Atkins diet, others might suggest that there are no notable negatives to the condition BUT government officials are close to a public health warning whilst the UN are to make an imminent announcement once they can stop Kofi Anan from dancing!

Overall Conclusions
To those that are wondering what this is about and have the slightest interest in quite hardcore melodic DnB, be warned you will fall foul of the Infectious Deviant. Should you strangely want a new outlook on the world and perhaps a six-pack stomach then the infection will not disappoint you BUT could you really take the constant elation?!

To those that have paid £8 (plus p+p) for the Infectious Deviant pill (the size of a regular CD) might think that their world is better at a very cheap price BUT scientists WILL find negative reasons for our young people not to enjoy this particular pill…eventually! Be warned, Infectious Deviant is highly infectious and highly deviant…and is this the message we really want to be sending our kids?!

Rating - 4.25 out of 5

Youth

 Great Article

The Deviant has infected me for sure.......

and my mate matty, and my mate Mackers and my mate Sniff and my mate Arrowsmith and my mate "dave" and my mate Welchy....

The list is endless

Still buzzing off "Hydro"

WELL DONE