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Well,what can one really say about the "F-pipes",having known them,and,their brand of dark socio-sexual,underworldly,(and,all things generally considered vile)biting style of hardcore punk,for so long,I really can't help but liken them to the kid who was kept indoors,and taught that sex was dirty,until he moved out of his parents basement.Though often interpreted as cruel,their songs only seem to reflect a sense of humour that is ,perhaps,a little more widespread than many would like to believe.With songs like "Abortion clinic" and, "Man-lady",the pipes wipe off the remnants of their musical explosion,onto the collective blue satin dresses of the politically correct.
What is it about those "mexican" wrestling masks,I wonder?The "Captain",(D-lisch)has something of a theory."At least in my case"he says."I am not concerned with relating my lyrics with emotions on my face,I want to be a visual presence,yes,but the words,the visual and,the sound are all part of the overall picture,and the mask allows me to separate those things".
Born to a family of travelling picture hangers,the captain got his start in acting.At the tender age of seven years old,he landed his first role in the oft misunderstood (and now illegal in all of the Americas,except Brazil,of course!) film, "The Reverend Loves Little Johnny".(jflb films ltd.)With his foot solidly planted in the door,he was able to acheive a degree of mainstream success,nominated for his stellar supporting role as the flamboyant donkey trainer "Eduardo"in the award winning series "The Ladies of Tijuana"THE BURRO SESSIONS!(mexistar pictures) #6,7,respectively.But despite a promising career in film,the captain would find himself at odds with an industry he felt could not truly give him the artistic freedom he desired.Saying goodbye to the silver screen,he resolved to apply his unique talents to the world of punk rock.And,the evidence is at hand.
The task of locating a band, reportedly,happened under very peculier circumstances indeed! The captain,vacationing in Newfoundland,inquired upon two fur trappers,(who were strictly commercial)the price of an oven mit,made from the pelt of the rare northern orange blossom beaver.The two steely trappers:Shawn(guitar)and,Jesse(Bass),though cautious at first, found common ground with the captain,in their mutual love for super fast thrash punk,and the Golden Girls.To the captains surprise their long spent time in the dense forest afforded them the mastery of their respective instruments.Pleased with his findings,the captain invited the pair back stateside to join him in his musical ventures.Satisfied that they had killed,devoured and,subsequently sold the skin of every type of animal in their vast forest, they agreed.
Locating the final piece of their arsenal was but a phone call away.The captains new- found associates had retained the services of many people in the U.S. for the purpose of black market fur distribution.And as everyone well knows, the southern U.S. is a hotbed in the underground fur trade.So,they got in touch with one of their best clients,a certain Mr. Dave Scott(drums),known as a shrewd and calculating emissary in the way of the fur,and also for his involvement with the New Jersey thrash/punk battering ram known as Adrenaline O.D.Dave's turbo speed,hard hitting style rounded out the sound perfectly,and the pipes were ready to burst! Let me finish this short history lesson by saying the Fuck Pipes are not for everyone,but these young men have been a constant inspiration in nearly all of my endeavors.Since their inception I've learned to do things that would make even a junior whitehouse staffer blush.They know how to talk and,they know how to rock!
William "Bill" Jefferson Clinton
United States of America
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