Posted: 09 December 2004 at 9:01pm | IP Logged

1. Very, very pretentious New Age music journalist.
2. Obsessive/ Unbalanced stalker/groupie.
3. Bitter, cynical, angry, sarcastic rock critic who loathes all music since 1967
4. Gushing, airheaded, annoying children's TV presenter.
5. Teenager attempting to impress his friends as to how 'with it','cool' and up on current slang terms he/she is.
6. Falsely sincere politician recently subject to a sleaze investigation in the tabloids.
7. Barry White
   

Posted: 09 December 2004 at 9:28pm | IP Logged

Michael Barnes - The Piscean Dream 

Rating : 0/10

Reviewed by l337haX0r666

www.michaelbarnes.tk

Posted: 09 December 2004 at 9:34pm | IP Logged

Review for Cleared ConsienceTeen Slang!

Yo, Yo is this thing on!? Yo B, this sh*t's off da hook! I just wanna give a shout out to my baby's momma,Sasha.... Lil Pooky down in South side, Big Fresh, Shaniqua ( my other baby's momma), T-Rock in da short North and my nigga Killa in the pen up state! Yo Smieg's.. dis sh*t's bangin'! Me and some freinds over here chillin...you should stop bye!!! Yo said you would hang out some time!.....alright...you prob don't remember me but we met one time a long time ago.....alright...we never really met but I wrote you one time and you wrote back......alright...you didn't write back but ...nevermind I gotsta go... we got some bidness to take care of! Right guys!?(Silence in the background)  Whatever,we're Out!!

LoL

This is the best I could think of Ffab!!!Hope you at least get a chukle out of it!

Posted: 09 December 2004 at 9:36pm | IP Logged

Hey Barnes, I like yours better!!

Posted: 09 December 2004 at 9:38pm | IP Logged

"Lil Pooky down in South side"

www.michaelbarnes.tk

Posted: 09 December 2004 at 10:05pm | IP Logged

A Lift Aloft  gushing, airheaded, annoying children's TV presenter

http://www.mp3unsigned.com/showmp3.asp?mp3ID=8282&aid=22 60

Now, sweet little boys and girls -- oooo, you're all so cute -- oooo! ...yes, you too, Malcolm, you sweet little dimple-angel (let go of that please)... now everyone gather round, lay your curly little heads down, close your eyes and listen... Let's all clap along to the clapping part. Isn't this WONDERFUL!! (Wooh, I'm flushed.)  Now listen carefully to the flute. Do you know what the flute is? Try to imagine what the flute is doing. (Malcolm, it won't fall off if you let go!) You see, children, the flute represents the little fairy --who's giggling?! -- and the little fairy (stop that giggling!) is trying to work up his courage to fly. Yes he can, yes he can, yes he can... see how the other fairies are cheering him on? Let's all chant along... yes he can, yes he can, oh ,oh, oh, oh, oh, aaaaah, he's done it!!  (Gosh that was fun. Wooh, I'm flushed.) Bye bye little fairy. Have a good life. And now an important word from our sponsor...  Grip, bring me my drink!

(You're all nuts! I'm growing fond of you.)

Posted: 09 December 2004 at 10:21pm | IP Logged

Artist - Jono ft. Crutial Head
Track - Song Without skill---Words
http://www.mp3unsigned.com/Showmp3.asp?mp3id=7807&aid=32

Reviewer: John Reed -- a bitter, cynical, angry, sarcastic rock critic who loathes all music since 1967.

There are no words to describe how utterly pointless, uselessly long, uninnovative, uncreative, and every other good musical trait with an "un" placed at the beginning this thoroughly retarded and unmusical genre is becoming; I don't even want to waste my time commenting on this collage of sh*t-stained pieces of childrens' Thanksgiving drawings.

To begin with, this "techno artist" (or as I sometimes like to call an obsessive computer nerd fooled by his own arrogance and lack of understanding towards real music that ends up making incredulous sums of money due to rare amounts of fans who enjoy the sound of squealing saws, sines, and the same distorted tr-909 sounds that were unfairly resurrected from where they should have been left a long time ago) likes to believe that encorporating a distorted guitar lead into an over-compressed layer of (distorted tr-909) drums makes his song become "industrial rock."  He also tries to impersonate the sound of a real acoustic set by sequencing Fruityloop sounds into a pattern that any true drummer would never play, and that any 11 year old with a computer could do within seconds.

The leads are top-notch unquality.  I can just see it now: headlines saying, "New 14 year old bedroom producer (new 14 year old with computer and Fruityloops in bedroom) features a free, crappy VST called Crutial Head!"

The run time of this piece of immatured pig fetus is at a ridiculous 6:15 minutes.  You'd need more patience than a monk who never constipates to be able to listen to this more than once.  And whats even worse is that it's the same thing -- over and over.  And over.

Although this track is ridiculously long, sounds like every other piece of techno I've heard in my life, would make my 9 year old son want to pick up a pitchfork and destroy my jugular arteries for even having the nerve to play the track loud enough for him to hear it, makes ME want to pick up a pitchfork and destroy my jugular arteries for even having the nerve to play the track at all, imitates and embarrasses the rock genre by trying to imitate the true innovativeness and musical ability of rock musicians, would require no skill at all to create, and all in all is a rather amateur attempt at a genre I like to listen to, I'm just glad this track hasn't (and never will be) played to the general public.  Thus, I give this track 5/5 stars.