Posted: 29 June 2006 at 4:43pm | IP Logged

okay i always say the best revenge is success but..

there is always the saying revenge is sweet.

what was your best revenge?

mine was dumping a guy via alarm clock on his phone and setting it to two in the morning , and leavin a sweet little message then signing his number up on random spammers, and having a comp ring him every 10 mins  may sound evil, but he cheated so i justified it.

Posted: 29 June 2006 at 4:52pm | IP Logged

Mine? dont look down on me for this, please

Used to deal pot

guy owed me £400 for some dope, he broke into a mates car, kept hanging around this shop so old ladies and gents were too scared, because he would mug them, had 2 GBH offences....basically a muppet.....

Just deserts? - My mate brake his legs with a crowbar

Glad im not there anymore

Posted: 29 June 2006 at 5:49pm | IP Logged

ur revenge was better than my revenge , more painful

Posted: 29 June 2006 at 6:00pm | IP Logged

i played rugby for many years, and we had this South African guy play on the wing for us one season. Now, although he was a good player he was a prick of the highest order, and he wasnt a popular member of the squad. His popularity went down even more when he left the team at the end of the season to go and play for our arch rivals, Leamington (i played for Old Leamingtonians).....

anyway, everyone obviously wanted to have a dig at him when we played them the following season, and well maybe i went too far.  I'm a pretty big bloke (6'2" and 19 stone) so my tackles usually hurt, but I saved a special one for him.  I Spear Tackled him just before the end of the match and caused him to slip a disk.....needless to say that was the last bit of rugby he played that season!

 I did feel a tad bad after, not because i hurt him, but becuase I was given a 3 match suspension....well worth it though!

Posted: 29 June 2006 at 9:49pm | IP Logged

Warning this post contains foul language. Those offended by such things should read no further.

I've very rarely deliberately sought revenge on another person...even those that thoroughly deserve it.

The closest I've got was a very childishly petulant and inexcusable act, more cowardly in that the recipient had no idea that I had done anything to him. I shouldn't really talk about it in public...but I'll risk it.

Just don't tell anyone...right?

I used to work in a hotel...I've banged on with plenty of anecdotes about the place in past threads...so I won't go into too many details.

Suffice to say that my home town of Doncaster is hit every year by something called Leger Week. This is an important horse racing event, during which crowds descend upon the racecourse in their thousands, and afterward into all the drinking establishments within the same general twelve mile radius.

Leger week used to be a busy time for me, a total nightmare truth be told, resulting in straight 15 to 20 hour shifts without a break. The bar would be absolutely crammed; far beyond fire safetly limits....hundreds of rude, abusive, beligerant, drunken, idiotic mindless scumbags, obsessed with money and status. Many of them were just bog standard oiks...but come the race days, they'd put on all these false airs and graces, complete with fake snotty posh accent, obsessed with being seen with the right people, in the right clothes, and holding the right premium bottled lager (that we'd put up to £3.00 per bottle for the occasion) These people were absolutely detestable in every way. Several really got off on abusing the staff, as it made them feel big and important.

One particularly obnoxious couple of men called me over, things were beginning to calm down in the bar, and it was actually possible to get from the reception desk to the lounge in under 20 minutes, without having to fight your way though all the densely packed loud, noxious '10 bob millionaire' types.

"Get me some cheese and biscuits" one of the men slurred...brandishing a half empty bottle of p*ssweiser like a conductor's baton, and spilling copious quantities onto the carpet as a result.

"yes sir" said I, and fought my way through the remaining drunken scum scrums that rolled staggering, and listing and grunting like wild beasts into the kitchen.

I set about preparing the dish, and putting all the different cheeses onto the plate, complete with grapes, and celery, cutting up some apple, filling a basket with a selection of biscuits...and then set back out through the Hordes, attempting to shoo away grasping disembodied arms and hands that attempted to grab items from the plate and I pushed by.

*the following dialogue has likely been distorted in my mind over the years in between, however this transcript is probably around as close as I can get to total recall...sorry in advance for the swearing.

 

"WHAT THE f**k'S THAT????" snarled one of the men. By now they had both succumbed to the inexorable pull of gravity, and sat themselves in a couple of vacant chairs.

"cheese and biscuits sir, as you ordered" I replied with a winning smile, and suitably mild and meek expression.

"DIDN'T f**kING WANT THAT, FUK OFF WID IT!"

"You no longer require the cheese and biscuits sir?"

"NO YA STUPID f**kING LITTLE c**t, THAT f**kING CHEESE THERE, f**kING TAKE IT AWAY"

He made a wild, and semi-accurate pointing gesture toward the blue stilton sutuated upon the plate of cheese.

"I'll take the stilton off sir, sorry about that" I promised, and cheerily removed myself from the great mens' presence.

"f**kING HURRY UP WID IT" came the floating snippet of encouragement from one of the men as I made my way back to the kitchen.

Suitably chastened, I removed the Stilton, tidied up the rest of the cheese and then made my way back to our V.I.Cs at the bar (that's Very Important Clients).

"Here you are sir"

"YOU TEKKIN THE f**kIN p*ss OR WHAT?"

"I've removed the Stilton sir as you requested"

"WELL WHAT THE f**k'S THAT? I COULD STUFF THAT UP ME f**kING ARSE!"

"What exactly is the problem sir?"

"YOU'RE THE f**kING PROBLEM, NOW YOU GONNA TAKE THAT AWAY AND GET ME SOME PROPER f**kING CHEESE AND BISCUITS? OR AM I GONNA GET YOUR BOSS OVER AND GET YOU THE f**kING SACK? HE'S A PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE...blah blah blah"

It was clear now that the honourable gentleman was not satisfied with the portion size. Resolving to charge him accordingly for the increased portion I whisked myself back to the kitchen, all lightness, grace and the very epitome of meek and mild.

Deep down though, I was a trifle miffed at the men. Killing them outright would be grafifying, as would attempting many of the standard methods of torture practiced by Holy Roman Catholic Church during the middle ages.

In the end though, and with some reluctance I settled for body language. The universal language of Waiters' Revenge

A dollop of earwax smothered over the Brie, lovely!...perhaps there was something in the bin that Sir might appreciate?

Fortunately the Chef had been gutting fish earlier in the day, and so a quick dunk into the bin, all was nicely prepared, lots of nice squidgy entrails and bloated, glistening organs...brush off the particularly slimy and visible bits...followed by just a dash of snot....if blowing one's nose over a plate of cheese could be refered to as a 'dash?'

Some nasty green bits hacked up from the back of my throat, and the removal of one of my socks completed piece de resistance....the sock sweat was a particularly good vintage...in that I'd been on my feet since 5:30 am, and it was now around 8:00 pm....well perhaps just a bit more earwax to round things off.....

Watching the men eat the cheese and biscuits served up to them a couple of minutes later almost made me feel sick!

They ate the whole lot.

Posted: 29 June 2006 at 9:56pm | IP Logged

oooeeeughhh grosss

evil

but they deserved it by sounds so its cool  

 good going ffabbs

Posted: 30 June 2006 at 12:38am | IP Logged

well said, i hat being young and underpaid, i can't even work on a till untill i'm 17, we only have 1 person money fuding our family if anyone ever needs a pair of shoes we're on beans on toast!

that reminds me i think i maybe hijacking my own thread here but... whats the best job i can get at my age that doesnt suck money wise .