Lurv
(I Corinthians 13: 4-13)

1. I'm damned impatient and not very kind.
I struggle against the ties that bind.
Look into my soul and you will find
that I'm sometimes jealous, conceited and proud;
it gives me a buzz to stand out from the crowd.
I listen too little and I talk too loud.
So let me tell you this, you loverboy Paul,
You former Young Turk, you Tarsan Saul;
You seem to have been blinded by a bolt from above,
so don't try to give me this shit about.....lurv.

2. Ill mannered ! Who, me ? Well, pardon my farting !
My behaviour's too passé ? Man, I'm only just starting !
Selfish ! No way ! I'm always imparting
my version of truth to all who will listen.
And I need to be grumpy - it gives life some frisson.
You should try it some time, you don't know what you're missin'.

So you listen to me, you Corinthian epistler,
you born-again naïf, you penumbran whistler.
You may have been inspired by a hand from above,
but please don't recite me your poems about......lurv.

3. My record of wrongs is as long as my arm,
from the Romanov empire down to Margaret's farm;
from the Bay City Rollers to Michael Bolton's false smarm.
Am I happy with evil or am I happy with truth ?
You think I'm gonna answer that one ? Strewth !
Give me hard facts each time, Bob, but I insist on some proof.

So, tell me now, Paul, you Mediterranean tourist,
a down-to-earth question to a spiritual purist:
you must have met women; did their bodily curve
and their feminine charms teach you nothing about.....lurv ?

4. Love never gives up ? Well, excuse you for bragging !
After ten minutes' foreplay, my libido is flagging.
Do you maybe take ginseng to keep your todger a-wagging ?
Love is eternal ! You take away my breath !
Are you serious, man ? Have you not read "Macbeth" ?
Love lights the way for fools to a dusty death.

You spent too much time, Paul, in Italian lands,
with their talk of hope and faith and romance.
Otherwise you'd have learned from the Teutonic clans
that these three remain:
Schadenfreude
Weltschmerz
und Angst.

David Banks (1998), Trondheim, Norway